Author Archives: Tayla Lynn

and then on day 3 we kept reading John

and then on day 3 we kept reading John
I am no theologian. So do not read me for the “correct” answers.
As a church we are reading a chapter of John a day. There are 21 chapters. So for 21 days. 1 chapter. It is day 3 and I am already more into my bible than I have been in years. YEARS. When I first got sober about 13 years ago I was a desperate as the dying could be. I was in a state of change. I was thirsty for that. I have chills to think I feel that again. Not because I have fear of the drink-I can never drink again-but because I want it so bad…I want it so bad….I already feel it, Feel His words talking to me, telling me things I did not know. HE IS DOING SOMETHING NEW. HE is whispering and I am walking.
The reason I picked up to write to you….
I thought that it was cool that this morning at 5:14am the wind was blowing so hard and at that moment I read in John 3:8 “you wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but cannot tell where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the spirit.”
I will tell you the truth-I NEVER knew what John 3:16 said until this MOMENT—-I mean by memory, I know they saying, I know the verse, I was always to scared to ask and too ignorant to look it up!!!!
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
3:19 Light has come into the world, but people loved the darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20: Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. BAM!!!!
LISTEN though listen!!!!…..
3:21 But whoever lives by the TRUTH comes into the light (YAY US!)
so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.
DUDE-when I am doing wrong or lets say….I don’t feel like I do “wrong” so much anymore as “maybe there is a better idea here, a better way or I shouldn’t get that or say that etc…..” When I have those thoughts I feel edgy and on fire-my stomach churns a little with grody im gonna be in trouble with GOD so like a child let me hide it from GOD…..Hide it from God? Mmmm Greer smart, He can’t see when you shut your heart and mind off for a few can He. DUMB. I can see that in my mind though. That is what I do.
Ooooooo John 3:30 He must become greater and I must become less. Yes Yes Yes
Oh man. Deep here and I am just typing away when y’all could pick up ye own bible but I didn’t so I don’t know if you will….
I listened to this:
John 3:33
Whoever has accepted it has certified that God is truthful.
John 3: 36
Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for Gods wrath remains on them.
It was hard to decide to type out 3:36 because my very best friend does not believe in Jesus and thinks the bible is a story book. There are times we joke and for me to state this felt like it was saying “You going to hell Shels. But!!!! This is my faith. I do believe this book. I do believe in Jesus. I do believe HE is the way. You know what else, I believe in Sheila and her process, I always will. She is my best friend, I am her best friend. We don’t run from each other because we have different beliefs…IN FACT IN FACT I believe it makes us love each other harder because we do accept each other so much. In every way.
Tell me about your faith?
Tell me about your friend?
Do you feel accepted?
I LOVE THIS RAINBOW and EVERYTHING that has come to represent :)

When it about Mama…

When it about Mama…

I am a sucker for that moment…

When everything feels like it can be anything. We are about to do something that brings us to life!

What is it that brings you to life?

I don’t fill in the blanks because I am scared to write.

I don’t post a blog because I am have nothing to say. I lie because I have fear that what I say isn’t what you want to hear.

I don’t let you come over because I am afraid that the corner without the paint will be the corner that your mind holds as it’s its image of me, blank and poor.

I am a kaleidoscope of emotions and thoughts I can’t pick just one. It is like saying that I have one feeling about Mama.

Mama.

When I say Mama my mind and heart immediately do a lip turn up into a smile, a tear in my eye, a sneeze and then a laugh. Yes, it’s exactly like that. She is all of that.

Mama in my mind’s eye is always smiling or laughing. or let’s get real…eating. She love to eat. Now folks she ain’t fat either. She was always so thin until she really packed it once.  She sat and ate at husband number 3 for a year after he cheated on her with his secretary. Anyhoo that another story. Mama love to eat and laugh.

She about 5’4 and back down to all american weight now. She is missin a tooth though from what she say a child knock it out. She date a lot tho so who to say.

 

There is a woman who writes me when I write about Mama and who also writes Mama to shame me in the way I speak about Mama (yes Mama shows me). Before we get much further….Mama and I have been to therapy, to many “family weeks” at Rehab centers, we have walked thru this, we have forgiven, we laugh, that is how we walk.

Back to Mama.

3 things Mama loves. Animals, kids and Cereal.

Now I could also add men, music and cars here, but lets save that for next week. I think for this chapter leavin it a bit lighter says-hey Mama a dang trip son.

Mama will fight you for a guinea pig.

Growing up I was traumatized by dogs, rabbits ( we would have our friends come over and teach them about sex thru the mating of rabbits, no not mama, well i would do this ok, i sold tickets, kids came, i made bank)

wait, where was I ?????? Oh ok, traumatized, yes trauma…..mmm, mmmmm TRAUMA, One time I put on my dress only to be covered in cat poop for where she thought one of her sick kittens needed my awesome dress as a nice new bed. SHE ROTTEN. We had no less than 15 dogs in our 1,000 sq foot home in high school. SHE BUILT a ramp so they could easily come thru all the windows etc!!!! Then we got us a parrot. Y’all we lived across the street from the high school not on a farm ok, the parrot….she would let fly wild then go out with cheese and sing to him (Marley) and he would fly back to her arm. Yes. I would be out there taking tickets and she would be singing to the parrot, my brother would be hiding in his room appalled at it all, Roger sitting in his wrecker eating spearmint gum and Brandy would be playing in the brand new RV we bought that we parked in our backyard along with the hot tub that was now her new apartment (she was 7). Times were good. Times were good.